“Life is full and overflowing with the new. But it is necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter” .. Eileen Caddy
Basically, in order to have a good relationship or even a relationship in the making, we need to empty out the “junk in the trunk” or rather the insecurities or fears we have acquired from the past. I tend to call it clearing our house (internal) in order to make room for a house guest. So many of us hold on to hurts or disappointments from the past and tend to project them into the present. It could be something we experienced in childhood always being criticized or not complimented or possibly even a failed relationship. This just doesn’t work and stops us from moving forward in experiencing new and joyful moments that can last a lifetime. Bottomline, it’s called self love.
When entering a relationship, don’t look for someone to complete you, rather look for someone who compliments you. Understand that oftentimes, we cannot change someone nor can anyone really change who WE are. When two people meet, it is who they are at the moment that creates the attraction. So many times we forget that first encounter and what drew us together in the first place. The mantra for each of us should be:
I am attractive
I am intelligent
I am loving
I am not overly critical
I love who I am
Don’t let something from the past cause you to distrust so much that the other person just doesn’t have a chance. YOU OWN THE POWER! The key to speaking up for yourself and not accepting what you feel YOU don’t deserve is to start from a place of love. I know it sounds a little hokey but it works.
Here is an example:
“John, I really think that you’re basically a nice guy, I really do, but I’m not sure I feel very respected by you”. Then be quiet and let him talk. There’s no reason to be too wordy or critical. Let them talk after you ‘nicely’ set your boundary. Sometimes it’s good to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. No one likes to be yelled at or told what to do or what not to do. Listen, have compassion and do not accept anything less than what you feel you deserve remembering that you are the sparkling diamond that blinds the human eye LOLOL. And… remember to clear away the obstacles that have been holding you back from love. Take a risk if you must. What do you have to lose? If you DO lose, it was never meant to be and there is something better to come.